self study, self inquiry = Svadhyaya

One of my favorite things about yoga is that it allows ourselves to turn inward and feel without judgement.  Leaving a class feeling elated and free is something I experience often, but other days  more difficult feelings arise.  Handstands are a long shot for me at this point and I know one day I'll get there, or not, but I do remember feeling inadequate and lost in class. And yes, I've even cried through difficult hip opening classes.  Through the practice of yoga our bodies instinctivly turn contemplative and it's at this moment that our hearts soften.

For many years, more than I care to admit (19) I've been angry.  Mainly upset or angry at my mother, at the fact that I've never loved my job,  that I allowed myself to become overweight, that I got married too young, that my wardrobe sucks, and that I have bunions. You name it, I've been angry about it.  So much that this anger has debilitated me from making new friends or from trying fun things that I know I would love, like Tango dancing.  Recently, about a week ago, I realized my anger is so deep within that I can almost feel it climb up the left side of my body.  Yep, I'm that in tune with my body, just like my grandma. 

Then something really amazing happened during a yoga teacher training day.  We picked a partner and did an excersize called "unveiling the mask."  First, it involved our partner giving us a facial masage from the inside of our mouth, then when you think it couldn't get any stranger, our partner gently, with proper lube and gloves, inserted their pinky finger into our nostril and held it there as it slowly moved its' way into the nasal cavity. (thanks Jen!)

This was uncomfortable.  This was painful.  I wanted out.  But instead, I stayed there and confronted this feeling.  It felt like jalapeno peppers in my nose and I wondered what the hell was going on.  The first nostril I couldn't relax so I resisted the entire time; it was my left side, the angry side.  Then the right nostril was easier because instead of resisting, I surrendered and allowed my body and breath to harmonize.  At this moment a shift occurred. I didn't know how to think or feel, I only knew how to be present and how to be human, filled with anger, happiness, guilt, and frustration all at once.  Could I just be?  I think this moment just impacted life in a major way.

Fast forward to present day and I am still aware of this shift.  Maybe it was forgiveness, I really can't tell you right now. But, I know I felt my heart soften.  I know I felt kind and for once in my life I was able to let it all go. When things go bad at work I remember this.  My heart can be open and it's not going to kill me.  It makes me a better person for myself, my husband, dog & cat, my boss, and whoever else I come in contact with.  Now I realize how much courage it takes to open your heart, to allow others to see the softness that we so frequently guard and protect out of fear or anger.

Avocado, Mango, Tomato Salsa

For real, this salsa is so yummy and it's good on EVERYTHING! I put it on my salads or you could put it in some tacos or over fish if you're into that.

Ingredients:
2 avocados
2 tomatos
1 mango
1 jalapeno (take out the seeds and don't touch your eyes)
1/4 cup red onion
juice from one lime
a hand full of cilantro
1/4 teas garlic powder
salt to taste

Chop everything up, mix it in a bowl and enjoy!  Easy peasy lemon squeezy!!

The Spirit of Tapas!

I'm not talking about yummy, delicious Spanish cuisine, although now I am craving that.  Tapas is one of the Niyamas (disciplines) of yoga that means to burn or heat.  So, the concept of tapas truly translates to igniting the fire within ourselves.  I see tapas as an intense passion that we have for something to be in our lives or to be out of our lives. What are your goals that will mentally or physically satisfy your inner core? 

To improve our lives we must first decide to make a change.  What?? Change??  The very thought of change terrifies many people, but if you recognize the value of possibility, change can become a welcoming, comforting challenge to each of us. 

Tapas takes practice and dedication to reap the benefits of the end result. Sort of like starting an exercise routine. In the beginning, it really stinks and it's so hard to keep up with it.  You need the drive (tapas) and discipline to stick with it, even though you can barely move a muscle.  But, in a few months, you really see results.  Same goes with a yoga or meditation practice.

What am I burning into my life:
-Re kindling my meditation practice
-organization in my house and mind
-stepping up my yoga practice

What am I burning out:
-my anger and inability to "let it go"
-my tendency to become overwhelmed (teacher training, IIN, art studio, working, cooking, blogging, web site designing--eeek!!)
-negative thought patterns that fuel fear

Tapas is the rich seed that ignites our journey to achieve a certain goal or to make important life changes.

So, what are your Tapas?

Mexitarian Enchiladas

So a Mexican girl gone vegan? Let's just say my parents were a little nervous about my trip back to Houston for the holidays.  I planned on bringing a few key food items with me (nutritional yeast, coconut flakes, tea, agave nectar, ground flax seed)  and buying more once I got there. My mother made her fantastic guacamole so my husband and I would have something to snack on when we arrived.  As I stuffed my face with yummy avacado, my mom expressed that she had no idea what to make for Christmas dinner for my new diet, new lifestyle.  I said, don't worry I'll make some amazing things.  I've been cooking vegan now for about 5 months, so there has been some horrific things my sweet husband had to taste, but there has also been some mouth watering, "will eat again" meals.

What I didn't plan on in Houston was my strong cravings for Mexican food that I didn't even eat while I was there. Well, besides guacamole and salsa.  Amazingly, a recipe passed my way via nytimes.com.  It was for vegan enchiladas!! Yayyyy! The recipe is adapted from Ayinde Howell from ieatgrass.com

VEGAN ENCHILADAS
yield 2 to 3 servings
time 1 hour and 15 min

Ingredients

For the sauce:
1/4 cup safflower oil or other vegetable oil
half a medium onion, died
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 serrano peppers, seeded and diced
1 poblano pepper, seeded and diced
1 1/2 ground cumin
1 tbls chili powder
1 tbls chipotle powder
1 can diced tomatoes
juice from one lime
salt to taste

For filling and Assembly:

1 pound firm tofu, drained and loosely crumbled
10 7-inch corn tortillas
1/2 medium onion
1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and diced
1 handful of coursely chopped cilantro
2 tbls cumin seeds
2 tbls garlic
3 tbls all purpose flour
salt & pepper to taste
1 1/2 or more of chili powder to taste
2 tbls Tamari sauce
juice of 2 limes

If you happen to have a molcahete, I recommend putting the cumin and garlic in it and make a paste.  Add hot water to the paste before you dump it in the tofu mixture.

For Salsa:

1 can of diced tomatos OR  6-8 fresh tomatos
1 or 2 jalapenos. this is good fresh or roasted--add one first, then taste and decide...
1 clove garlic
1/4 cup onion
1 handful cilantro
1 lime juice
salt to taste

For Guacamole:

4 avacados
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
juice of 1 lime
(a very simple guac serving as a refresher for the complex spices)

Method
Sauce: In a small saucepan over medium heat, heat oil until shimmering.  Add onions, garlic and jalapeno (or other peppers).  Saute until onions are translucent, about 5 minutes.  Add cumin, chili powder, and flour, whisking until browned and thickened. Slwly stir in 3/4 cup vegetable broth and tomatoes, mixing well. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 15-20 minutes.  Season with salt to taste. Remove from heat or just keep it to low.

For Filling and assembly: Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a medium skillet over medium heat, heat oil until himmering.  Add tofu and cook until l brown and somewhat crispy, and its liquid has evaporated, stirring from underneath to prevent sticking 10-15 minutes.

Once tofu looks brown and cooked on all sides, add two-thirds of the onion and 1/2 of the red bell pepper. Stir, and add garlic, jalapeno, cilantro, cumin and chili powder. Mix well. Add soy sauce and mix well.season with salt to taste. Saute until until the onionand red bell pepper beginto soften. 5-10 minutes. add 1-2 tbls water if mixture seems partched, but it should be dry and the tofu should resemble criped dried pieces of meat.

While the tofu mixture is cooking, wrap the tortillas tightly in aluminum foil, and place them in the oven for 10 minutes. Remove, keeping them wrapped, and set aside.

In a shallow 9-by-7-inch casserole (or large enough to hold the enchiladas snugly in one layer), add 1/3 of the sauce to coat the bottom of the casserole. Unwrap the hot tortillas, and place one in the sauce to coat it, then turn it over so that it is coated on both sides. Add one-sixth of the filling, and roll the tortilla tightly. Place it seam side down on the sauce. Repeat to make six filled tortillas. Pour the remaining sauce on top of the tortillas, and sprinkle with remaining uncooked onion and red bell pepper, guacamole, and salsa. Bake until sauce is bubbling, about 15 minutes. Serve, if desired, with a green salad or brown rice.

Restorative Snow Day

Last night I taught my first restorative yoga class.  The main difference between a restorative class and a vinyasa flow class is the use of supportive props.  In a restorative class the yoga teachers use bolsters, blocks, straps, blankets, and balls to aid their students to loosen up their muscles and completely relax.  Each pose is held for a long time.  It seemed like an eternity sometimes, but I am so glad I got the opportunity to teach this class because it also served as a lesson on slowing down.  Instead of the fast-paced vinyasa flow that I'm so accustomed to, I had to rethink or reconsider why these students came to class, what they were expecting, and how I was going to lead them through a gentle journey of turning inward.  It was a great and successful challenge and ultimately, everyone had a happy glow leaving the studio.

This act of slowing down can also be translated into the real world of rushing to point A to point B.  Why do myself and others rush to complete so much in one day?  Why do we over schedule ourselves or our children into a hectic fury? I feel anxious thinking about it.  I am a firm believer that there is no such thing as being late.  You are always exactly where you are supposed to be at all times.  No, this doesn't mean I'm late everywhere, but I don't like rushing.

As I begin an exciting curriculum at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, I'm learning ways to slow down as a means of appreciation.  Slow down eating by chewing more, slow down life by doing less. One really great thing to try is to only do 10 things per day.  For example: 1.shower 2. go to work 3. yoga 4. feed the animals 5. call my mom, etc.  If you are writing down more that 10 things maybe delegate a task to a loved one (honey, can you do the dishes?) or just cross it off the list.  This tool is helpful way to keep me sane as I finish yoga teacher training and start IIN.  I hope you may try it because you might enjoy doing less.

A New Year: So far, so good!

It has been one week since all of the holiday festivities and now that they are over I can start to settle into myself once again. But, before I begin to reacquaint myself to my routine schedule and ease into a new pattern, I want to take a few moments to be present. This year I refused to make resolutions. I loathe that word because I associate it with pushing myself into something ridiculously difficult at the beginning of the year only to burn out a month or two later. For instance, last year I meticulously calculated and documented each minute I worked out, what I did for exercise and to make it even more torturous, my weight on a daily basis. Ugh, why did I do that? So this year I'm setting intentions for the year. Intentions to amp up my at home yoga practice, to stay focused and avoid procrastination, to remain authentic to myself and all the new people I will be meeting, and to give myself compassion when I slip. I am human, therefore I will slip. And that is OK.

Setting goals for the New Year is a great thing and I love the feeling of starting something fresh with a new outlook and attitude. Even the idea gets me excited! These intentions give yourself permission for transformation or perhaps for reinvention. But, it is also important to allow yourself to make mistakes and expose our vulnerability, my primary lesson for 2010 that I am passing over for 2011. About a week ago I found a document on my laptop titled "Before I Turn 33." I busted out in laughter because they are grandiose! Here's the list:

write a novel
write for ELLE, Vogue, Vanity Fair, Health, Fitness, Yoga Journal
own a gallery/boutique
get my MBA
design my own accessory line
learn how to sew
have a fantastic art show in p-town, new york, LA
buy a new house with my own art studio
run the Boston Marathon
learn Spanish, French, and Italian languages
love myself

So I have one year left to complete this list! Actually, I know I will not do that, but I did complete the last item on this list: Love myself.
It has taken me 32 years to accomplish it, so I must say that I am quite proud. My wish for all of you reading this blog is for you to love yourselves too.